Last night, I was informed that my dorm will be decorating our lounge to look like the Great Hall and throwing a Harry Potter party next semester. I was disappointed because I will be studying abroad so the only way I can attend is through Skype. Then I realized if my friend puts a picture frame around her laptop screen I would look like one of Hogwart's moving portraits. Guess who's attending as the Fat Lady? MLIA
Today, I had to write a paragraph on motivation. I couldn't bring myself to do it. MLIA
Yesterday, I bet my friend $10 that I could guess any number I hold behind my back. I made $10. MLIA
Has anyone ever wondered why Salazar Slytherin put the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets in a girl's bathroom? MLIA
Today, I cut my finger on a spoon. MLIA.
Today, I found out that you can major in Evil at Harvard. I think we all know where Voldemort got his undergrad. MLIA.
Today, I was at my house with a bunch of my friends when I asked, "If a turtle loses its shell, is it naked or homeless?" We were stumped for a minute until we hear my dad shout from upstairs, "IT WOULD BE DEAD, MORONS!" I am proud to be related to him. MLIA
Today was first day as a lifeguard at the y. As I was walking around the lap pool, I slipped on puddle and fell in. One of the swimmers who had been watching me the whole time then proceeded to shout, HELP!!!! just as my head surfaced. I then performed a "rescue" on the "victim". I got alot of recognition and have a pretty good reputation for my first day. Thanks fake victim. This is for you. MLIA
Today, I locked my keys in may car. Good news and bad news, good news- I now know how to break into my car, bad news- its very easy to break into my car. MLIA
Recently, I had my wisdom teeth removed. Apparently, I tried to get the nurse to salsa dance with me down the hallway. I don't remember this at all. MLIA
Today, I heard some of the 'popular kids' at school complaining about their hangovers from a party they'd had over the weekend. Then I heard some of my friends complaining about their bruises and sore muscles from our lazer tag tournament we'd had over the weekend. Way more people had sympathy for us. MLIA.
My friend broke up with her boyfriend a few days ago and I told her to be a rock and stay strong. Today I broke up with my boyfriend when my friend came over to my house with a giant poster with two rocks sitting together. MLIA
Today, I chewed my pen and it burst in my mouth. My mouth was blue and my hands ended up blue. My teacher asked what happened. I told him I got bit by a smurf. MLIA
Today I was playing Apples to Apples. The topic "Screwed" came up. I put down Tiger Woods. MLIA
I've always wondered why my roommate keeps 4 huge pillows on her bed, but I never questioned it. Last night, I came in late after a group study to find her asleep and a massive pile where her head should be. After investigation, I found she lays her head on one pillow and builds a fort around her head with the other three, complete with a small blanket covering it all. I stood in jealous awe of her sleeping fort for a few minutes before realizing how awkward it would be for her to wake up and discover me watching her sleep. MLIA.
Today, I saw a popular girl hiding behind a cabinet, waiting to scare her friend. I had to remind her that it was an entirely glass cabinet. MLIA
Today,facebook suggested i be friends with my old account, seeing as we have so much in common; so i listened. Now it is suggested that i reconnect with myself since we havent talked in awhile. How deep. MLIA
We had a tornado drill during English. We were all talking, and my English teacher said, "QUIET!". We shushed instantly and he whispered, "Or the tornado will hear you and come down this very hallway." Favorite teacher? No doubt. MLIA
Today, we were watching a video on the cusine of Korea. One of the delicacies included a raw, live octopus. An American described the feeling as "slimy, hard to swallow, but okay in the end". I couldn't resist it and yelled "That's what she said!", making the class burt out in laughter, however, my teacher wasn't pleased, and sent me to the Principals office. The Principal high-fived me and sent me back to class. MLIA
Today, my boyfriend and I took an hour long shower. My mom decided to drop by unnoticed, heard the shower running and waited. When we walked out of the room and saw her standing there,she gave me a sly look, then proceeded to come over,give me a hive five and whisper "nice one,I knew you were more like your mom." I never decided to tell her we spent the whole time playing Uno with waterproof cards. MLIA
Thursday, 25 February 2010
Thursday, 11 February 2010
mlia pt. 2
Today, I got a call from a woman asking me to pretend to be Harry Potter for her daughter over the phone. Apparently, the little girl who's now living in my old house had been reading in the closet under the stairs, just like I used to to, when she found engraved on the wall "The Boy Who Lived was Here." I laughed, remembering doing that when I was 11. She wouldn't leave her mother alone until she got Harry Potter's new number. So instead of studying for finals, I spent the next hour reciting unwritten tales of Hogwarts in a british accent. Merry Christmas, Becca. I can't wait till you find the secret compartment with the twenty and the magic wand. MLIA
Today at work a friend took a handful of Hershey Kisses and rubbed them all over me, proclaiming he was smoothering me with kisses. MLIA
Today, my 85 year old grandma beat me at Halo 3. MLIA
Today, I found a wi-fi called "The Fat Lady". Password? Caput Draconis? Yes. Thank you, vast knowledge of Harry Potter. MLIA
Today I had Mac n' Cheese for lunch. Instead of the normal elbow shaped pasta, I had Scooby Doo Mac n' Cheese. It took me about half an hour longer than usual to eat because I had to inspect each individual piece of pasta to see who I was eating. It also tasted 10 times better than usual. MLIA
Today, I was at my locker and was running extremely late for class. After about ten failed attempts at opening it, I frustratedly yelled "ALOHAMORA!" at it. Just then, a burly jock came sprinting out of nowhere and rammed into my locker. He punched it swiftly in the center, and the locker door came swinging open. He ran off in the same direction that he came. MLIA.
Tonight a Viagra commercial came on while my little brother was in the room. My mom asked after the commercial if he knew what sex was. His answer "Yes, remember when I had a stuffed rhino and wanted to name him Horny and you wouldn't let me? And then you told me why?" Look on my mom's face - priceless. MLIA
Last night I was cooking with my dad's girlfriend so we could "bond". I put a dirty fork on top of another one so there would be less to clean up. When my dad's girlfriend saw this, she burst into laughter. I asked her what was so funny. She said through her bursts of laughter, "THE FORKS ARE SPOONING!!!" MLIA.
I was at work the other day and I decided to be goofy and go up behind one of my coworkers and said in my best gingerbread man voice "DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN?!" I then heard a customer yell from the back of the dining room "THE MUFFIN MAN?!" we ended up quoting that entire scene from Shrek, immediately afterward I went to the dining room and gave the dude a high five. WIN mr. customer WIN. MLIA
Today, I asked my grandparents what my cousins wanted from Santa for Christmas. He told me that my oldest cousin(9) wanted tiny ninjas and rubber bands. My youngest cousin(7) said he wanted Santa to make him part leprechaun, so he could be magically delicious. I always knew he was my favorite.
Today when my mom came home from work, she brought me this small container filled with Cotton Candy. The box had a cute snowman on it, with white cotton candy inside. The Cotton Candy was called "Fun Sweets." It had a smile guarantee, meaning that when you taste their cotton candy, your guaranteed to smile...But then I noticed a Disclaimer below it. The disclaimer said: DISCLAIMER: The Fun Sweets smile guarantee applies to a typically pleasant individual. If you are a major grouch that doesn't even smile at a puppy or a rainbow, then even WE can't help you. I smiled. MLIA
Today at work a friend took a handful of Hershey Kisses and rubbed them all over me, proclaiming he was smoothering me with kisses. MLIA
Today, my 85 year old grandma beat me at Halo 3. MLIA
Today, I found a wi-fi called "The Fat Lady". Password? Caput Draconis? Yes. Thank you, vast knowledge of Harry Potter. MLIA
Today I had Mac n' Cheese for lunch. Instead of the normal elbow shaped pasta, I had Scooby Doo Mac n' Cheese. It took me about half an hour longer than usual to eat because I had to inspect each individual piece of pasta to see who I was eating. It also tasted 10 times better than usual. MLIA
Today, I was at my locker and was running extremely late for class. After about ten failed attempts at opening it, I frustratedly yelled "ALOHAMORA!" at it. Just then, a burly jock came sprinting out of nowhere and rammed into my locker. He punched it swiftly in the center, and the locker door came swinging open. He ran off in the same direction that he came. MLIA.
Tonight a Viagra commercial came on while my little brother was in the room. My mom asked after the commercial if he knew what sex was. His answer "Yes, remember when I had a stuffed rhino and wanted to name him Horny and you wouldn't let me? And then you told me why?" Look on my mom's face - priceless. MLIA
Last night I was cooking with my dad's girlfriend so we could "bond". I put a dirty fork on top of another one so there would be less to clean up. When my dad's girlfriend saw this, she burst into laughter. I asked her what was so funny. She said through her bursts of laughter, "THE FORKS ARE SPOONING!!!" MLIA.
I was at work the other day and I decided to be goofy and go up behind one of my coworkers and said in my best gingerbread man voice "DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN?!" I then heard a customer yell from the back of the dining room "THE MUFFIN MAN?!" we ended up quoting that entire scene from Shrek, immediately afterward I went to the dining room and gave the dude a high five. WIN mr. customer WIN. MLIA
Today, I asked my grandparents what my cousins wanted from Santa for Christmas. He told me that my oldest cousin(9) wanted tiny ninjas and rubber bands. My youngest cousin(7) said he wanted Santa to make him part leprechaun, so he could be magically delicious. I always knew he was my favorite.
Today when my mom came home from work, she brought me this small container filled with Cotton Candy. The box had a cute snowman on it, with white cotton candy inside. The Cotton Candy was called "Fun Sweets." It had a smile guarantee, meaning that when you taste their cotton candy, your guaranteed to smile...But then I noticed a Disclaimer below it. The disclaimer said: DISCLAIMER: The Fun Sweets smile guarantee applies to a typically pleasant individual. If you are a major grouch that doesn't even smile at a puppy or a rainbow, then even WE can't help you. I smiled. MLIA
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
mlia pt. 1
Yesterday, the high school girl who made my life miserable added me on facebook. I accepted. The first thing she wrote on my wall? She got a job at a company and is no doubt more successful than I am. I own the company she works for. MLIA
Today, I illegally downloaded a miley cyrus CD just to steal from her. Then I deleted it. MLIA.
Today, we were learning sexual reproduction during Biology. When we were told that the male organ fuctions when erect, meaning blood had to rush into the organ tissues, I leaned over to the Twilight fan and whispered, "So how did Edward impregnate Bella if he doesn't have blood? I guess he's not real afterall." She broke down and cried right there. MLIA.
Today I realized that I don't build pillow forts, hex random strangers, get told I was an 'awesome' child, have a grandmother who makes repeated escape attempts from an institution, have a teacher than makes sexual jokes, find boyfriends by wearing something most people think is lame, have a side in the whole Harry Potter/Twilight thing, care about mystery google missions, and I definitely have no one who is dying that needs an MLIA posted. All I really do is study for the SAT. Then I remembered I'm asian. MLIA
Yesterday, I didn't forward a chain mail. Today I'm still alive. MLIA
ɐıןɯ ˙ʇı ƃuıpɐǝɹ ǝןqnoɹʇ ɥɔnɯ sɐ ǝʌɐɥ ʇuoʍ ı puɐ pǝʇoʌ ʇǝƃ ןןıʍ ʇı ʇɐɥʇ ƃuıdoɥ 'ʎɹoʇs sıɥʇ ǝʇıɹʍ oʇ pǝpıɔǝp uǝɥʇ ı ˙uʍopǝpısdn spɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ןןɐ ƃuıʞɐɯ 'pǝq ǝɥʇ ɹǝʌo ƃuıƃuɐɥ pɐǝɥ ʎɯ ɥʇıʍ ɐıןɯ pɐǝɹ oʇ ǝʞıן ı 'ʎɐpʎɹǝʌǝ
Today, I realized that Mario is definitely homeless. He wakes up every day wearing the same clothes, runs around in sewers, beats up people for their money, and what does he spend it on? Mushrooms. MLIA
Today, while watching the Wizard of Oz, I noticed that while Dorothy is saying her goodbyes, she tells the Scarecrow that she'll miss him the most RIGHT IN FRONT of the Tin-man and the Cowardly Lion. Bitch move. MLIA.
Today I was in the public restroom and I noticed that the person in the next stall started peeing at the exact same time as me. After we were finished, I said, "Mine lasted five seconds longer." There was an awkward pause and then I heard my chemistry teacher say, "Jenna? Is that you?" MLIA
Today, I illegally downloaded a miley cyrus CD just to steal from her. Then I deleted it. MLIA.
Today, we were learning sexual reproduction during Biology. When we were told that the male organ fuctions when erect, meaning blood had to rush into the organ tissues, I leaned over to the Twilight fan and whispered, "So how did Edward impregnate Bella if he doesn't have blood? I guess he's not real afterall." She broke down and cried right there. MLIA.
Today I realized that I don't build pillow forts, hex random strangers, get told I was an 'awesome' child, have a grandmother who makes repeated escape attempts from an institution, have a teacher than makes sexual jokes, find boyfriends by wearing something most people think is lame, have a side in the whole Harry Potter/Twilight thing, care about mystery google missions, and I definitely have no one who is dying that needs an MLIA posted. All I really do is study for the SAT. Then I remembered I'm asian. MLIA
Yesterday, I didn't forward a chain mail. Today I'm still alive. MLIA
ɐıןɯ ˙ʇı ƃuıpɐǝɹ ǝןqnoɹʇ ɥɔnɯ sɐ ǝʌɐɥ ʇuoʍ ı puɐ pǝʇoʌ ʇǝƃ ןןıʍ ʇı ʇɐɥʇ ƃuıdoɥ 'ʎɹoʇs sıɥʇ ǝʇıɹʍ oʇ pǝpıɔǝp uǝɥʇ ı ˙uʍopǝpısdn spɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ןןɐ ƃuıʞɐɯ 'pǝq ǝɥʇ ɹǝʌo ƃuıƃuɐɥ pɐǝɥ ʎɯ ɥʇıʍ ɐıןɯ pɐǝɹ oʇ ǝʞıן ı 'ʎɐpʎɹǝʌǝ
Today, I realized that Mario is definitely homeless. He wakes up every day wearing the same clothes, runs around in sewers, beats up people for their money, and what does he spend it on? Mushrooms. MLIA
Today, while watching the Wizard of Oz, I noticed that while Dorothy is saying her goodbyes, she tells the Scarecrow that she'll miss him the most RIGHT IN FRONT of the Tin-man and the Cowardly Lion. Bitch move. MLIA.
Today I was in the public restroom and I noticed that the person in the next stall started peeing at the exact same time as me. After we were finished, I said, "Mine lasted five seconds longer." There was an awkward pause and then I heard my chemistry teacher say, "Jenna? Is that you?" MLIA
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)